I read a blog that has what she refers to as a Hot Topic Tuesday. I thought it could be fun - especially since I have a bone to pick today. :)
As Eliza's first birthday approaches I have begun to be bombarded with a specific question. I didn't think twice about it when it was first asked but now it seems like it is every one's business or something. When I tell people that Eliza will be 1 next month - almost immediately I get the question of . .. So when is your next one coming? or So does she get a sibling soon? Something along those lines. I was kind of hoping I was done with those type of questions since we had enough people bombard us when we were married and before we were pregnant with her. Am I really going to have to keep fielding this question until we get pregnant again?! Although I was asked in the HOSPITAL after just having Eliza when my next one was coming so maybe I shouldn't be so surprised.
Now let me preface that I am a pretty open person in this regard to people I am FRIENDS with but is it a complete strangers business? I don't think so. And another thing - Did I ask for your opinion on what you think is the proper spacing between children? Because people sure love to tell me! I might be opening up a whole new can of worms here but I think it's up to each couple to decide when to have their kids, how far apart they want them spaced, etc. I have friends that have a hard time getting pregnant and I just have to imagine that it's probably a sore subject when people unknowingly give them a guilt trip for "waiting". I have a big pet peeve of people telling me that I don't want my kids too far apart or I will have lots of jealousy issues. Personally - I think it really depends on the children and their personalities. I was almost 3 years old when my brother was born and according to my parents - didn't have a hard transition even though I was an only child up to that point! And just because my daughter is a clingy baby . . it's really not necessarily going to reflect on her later in life either. Just had to throw that last one in there since I'm already adding my 2 cents about everything else.
Sorry for the complete vent of a post but I wanted to get others thoughts out there and see if I was alone. I just need to come up with a comeback for these questions/comments that will put a smile on myself instead! Any ideas?
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Hot Topic
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10 comments:
I tell people I'm only having one... then let them think what they will. As of right now, today, I am only having one! I'm hoping in a few years, that I'll want more, but right now I am so satisfied with just Cecelia that I can't even imagine having another. I figure its not a lie, and I'm not worrying about having more, so they don't need to worry for me!
Wow that is crazy! I have never heard of people asking that around 1 - maybe wondering when the kid turns two or three but 1. Maybe AZ people are just crazy bc I have never gotten that question - at least no in VA but maybe I will here since most people seen to have them two years or shorter like clockwork. I guess that is what I have to look forward to :( I'd probably just say thats none of your business or that is something my husband and I discuss with each other only or something rude...but you are nicer than me but it would probably spread the word not to ask you about it. I guess I will prepare my snotty remarks if the question comes my way. Maybe just "when the lord wants it to come, it will" that will shut them up. Crazy. Funny post though. People are always in everyones business. gueeze
I know your pain. Trust me, I get it all the time! I could go on and on about this - it is one of my biggest sore spots at this point in time. I just have a hard time with people who ask these questions because they really don't know your situation. I have had many guilt trips put on me by people who have no idea about my life, and even by some friends! Even if I didn't WANT children, would that be their business? Nope! It's nobody's business but your own and people should keep their mouths shut! Okay, I am done :) By the way, I like the new layout!!!
Ahhh yes - the dreaded questions begin! Andrew and I used to get them ALL the time, from friends, family AND strangers! We just simply smiled and said "We really don't LIKE children!" That shut them up! It was NONE of their business - and the fact that we can't have any of our "own" kids always hurt when someone would ask. If it were me - I would just tell them that we are pretty happy with our one and can't imagine having another one that can hold a candle to Ellie. :) But that's me - I am outspoken and don't mind being rude, you on the other hand are much nicer than I.
yeah, that is an obnoxious and inappropriate question. Before Dave and I got pregnant with Alex, people would either ask OR (what I hated even more) stare at my lower stomach, trying to see if I was getting any bigger and just keeping it a secret. It's amazing to me how inconsiderate, cruel and judgmental people can be. Though I suppose its possible that many of these people aren't being judgmental, but are trying to pay a compliment because they're so impressed by Ellie. The next time someone asks you that rude question, just assume a shocked expression and ask them incredulously, "Just how far into my marital bedroom would you like me to take you???" And say it loudly so everyone around wonders just how vulgar a question that person just asked you.
The school secretary just asked me last week when I was going to have the next one. She's nice enough, but it totally caught me off guard. I just shrugged and mumbled "not sure." Maybe our lives are just more exciting than those who ask!?!
Hmm, that's a hard one. I would say it doesn't bother me that much, but maybe I don't get asked very often. Unfortunately I would say it is something you will have to get used to, b/c I think as long as you are LDS and have a child people will just bring that up in casual conversation. I'm probably one of those people:) Sorry! For me there are so many people in my ward having kids at all times that it constantly gets me thinking about it. However I will say one thing, it is amazing how fast you go from saying you aren't ready for another one to thinking about it. I was in the not for a loooonnnnggg time boat and now I've started considering it believe it or not, maybe it's partially my age, I don't know. When they would ask me when I couldn't even think about it that's exactly what I would say, "oh, I can't even think about it right now, I'm not ready for that." Something along those lines. Good luck!!!
Hello Lachelle!
I just found your blog through some other BYU friends and wanted to say hello! Your daughter is adorable. And, AMEN, to everything you just vented about. I completely understand. It just isn't anyone else's business! I wish people in the church would understand that more...I've known a lot of feelings to be hurt from the questions. I'm glad to see you are doing well.
Shannon (Perkins) Hall
I've learned that a shock can sometimes shut people up really fast, so as long as you're brave you could say something along the lines of "the sex is great and we'll keep having it until one of the swimmers makes it through." I can only imagine silence after a comment like that....
I've started getting those questions--and I'm only ENGAGED!
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